Day 01 — Something you hate about yourself.

Alone and Lonely are not the same.

As most that know me know I don't do a lot of people. (Most times I don't do any). I am a loner and realized today I've always been that way. Back in 1997 I lost hearing in my left ear (went to bed one night hearing and woke the next morning hearing impaired) not until today I realize I've always thought my need to be alone was because when in a crowd of people I can't hear a dayum thing. I really thought I started isolating myself in 1997 because I had to say huh, what did you say, I'm sorry I didn't hear you and that got old real quick. I'm tired of reminding people I was hearing impaired. I was accused of being a snob (which I am) for not speaking or replying to people. It had nothing to do with being a snob, I simply did not hear them (the snob part will perhaps come somewhere in this 30 days). But I've never had more than three people close to me at one time. As a child it was Yvonne Moore and Janet Maddox, As a teenager it was Charli walker, as an adult it was Charli Walker and Kathy Alexander today it is Melvin Shoats, that some of you know as Mr. Ruby.

It took me more than 5 years to come to terms with my hearing loss and that it would not return (to this date no one knows why or where it went). I had to make some adjustments since the loss. My phone rings I automatically hit mute on my TV or stereo, I can no longer sit in my congregation at church, I use to sing and I can no longer do that, sitting in a movie theater is out of the question. I love Broadway and off Broadway plays can't do that one anymore either. I did go to Chicago to see the Color Purple, the play was there, I was there but I might as well have stayed in Kansas City. I went to the last Blues Festival in Kansas City tickets where 94.00 which proved to be a waste of money.

I just bet you think I'm going to say I hate the fact that I'm hearing impaired, that is not the case I find it to be a blessing for I don't have to hear all the negative stuff people say (I don't deal in negative either). What I really hate about me is that I'm a loner. I like me more than I do other people. I enjoy being here alone and honestly I hate when people come a calling. I can do people for short periods of time like 3 days after that I'm tired of you and want to be with just me. I am not lonely by any stretch of the imagination, I am simply alone and love every minute of it. That is what I hate most about me, THAT I LOVE BEING ALONE. Yeap I know it makes no sense, I guess it's a love hate thing.